40 Days & 40 Nights in My Stomach
This is either proof of Japan’s inherent greatness or it’s imminent demise. 32 different kit-kat flavors- and how i feel about each. caramel pudding- yes. i will eat. muscut grape- i think this kit kat is judging me. i’m only eating it because i’m afraid to stand up to my social betters. soy milk chocolate- stop the lactose intolerance already. i thought we were better than that. roasted green tea- uhhh. sure. watermelon- uhhh. fuck yeah. double berry- uhhh. fuck fuck yeah. triple berry- uhhh. fuck fuck fuck yeah. banana- bad experiences with foreign banana flavored candies. pass. mango- YES. foreigners hold the mango in great respect. strawberry- YOU WILL BE SERVED AT MY WEDDING. caramel- YOU WILL BE SERVED AT MY FUNERAL. vanilla beans- i’m listening… sweet red beans- this one sounds healthy! brown sugar- i guess? you got anything to go with that? sweet soybean powder- this is just lazy. soy sauce- am i the weird kid at the lunch table you’re picking on? fuck you. i am not. red bean paste (mochi)- they’ve got mochi at pinkberry! kyoto uji maccha (green tea)- why are you telling us the japanese name for this one only? this is a trick isnt it? i’m on a weird game show, aren’t I? pudding- why do i hope it squirts in my face when i bite into it and i look like a fool. i don’t know what this says about me. roasted chestnuts- how goyische of the Japanese! white chocolate- been there. done that. SAYANO-A cookies and milk- THIS is what them scientists were SUPPOSED to be working on all these years in AMERICAN LABS. Now the Japs beat us to prize! sakura (cherry blossom)- pretty sure this one will also blow you for money. tochi otome strawberry- “YOU BEEN KIT KATTED!” says a sad and lonely Jamie Kennedy 2 years into relocating to Japan full time. green tea (premium)- Premium? so what was the dog turd i ate before?!?!? apple (premium)- I feel like a real shmuck having bought 25 of your poor people kit kats already. tea (premium)- what the fuck is “premium tea”?!?! you’re basically saying that EVERYTHING i ingest that doesn’t say premium on it, is in fact dog turd? onshu mikan (mandarin)- i like you again kit kats. you’re pretty. oshiruko (sweet red bean soup)- they only serve this to 7 remaining WWII American prisoners of war still being held in Japan. yuzu- if those are lemons i’m squinting to see in the picture, YES. If they’re a colorful set of cufflinks, NO. cheesecake w/ strawberry or blueberry- SURPRISE! Daddy traded the car for 1 million candy bars! We’re eating candy EVERY day instead of getting driven to school!! YAAY! caramel macchiato- everything i love about starbucks without the starbucks.

This is either proof of Japan’s inherent greatness or it’s imminent demise.

32 different kit-kat flavors- and how i feel about each.

  1. caramel pudding- yes. i will eat.
  2. muscut grape- i think this kit kat is judging me. i’m only eating it because i’m afraid to stand up to my social betters.
  3. soy milk chocolate- stop the lactose intolerance already. i thought we were better than that.
  4. roasted green tea- uhhh. sure.
  5. watermelon- uhhh. fuck yeah.
  6. double berry- uhhh. fuck fuck yeah.
  7. triple berry- uhhh. fuck fuck fuck yeah.
  8. banana- bad experiences with foreign banana flavored candies. pass.
  9. mango- YES. foreigners hold the mango in great respect.
  10. strawberry- YOU WILL BE SERVED AT MY WEDDING.
  11. caramel- YOU WILL BE SERVED AT MY FUNERAL.
  12. vanilla beans- i’m listening…
  13. sweet red beans- this one sounds healthy!
  14. brown sugar- i guess? you got anything to go with that?
  15. sweet soybean powder- this is just lazy.
  16. soy sauce- am i the weird kid at the lunch table you’re picking on? fuck you. i am not.
  17. red bean paste (mochi)- they’ve got mochi at pinkberry!
  18. kyoto uji maccha (green tea)- why are you telling us the japanese name for this one only? this is a trick isnt it? i’m on a weird game show, aren’t I?
  19. pudding- why do i hope it squirts in my face when i bite into it and i look like a fool. i don’t know what this says about me.
  20. roasted chestnuts- how goyische of the Japanese!
  21. white chocolate- been there. done that. SAYANO-A
  22. cookies and milk- THIS is what them scientists were SUPPOSED to be working on all these years in AMERICAN LABS. Now the Japs beat us to prize!
  23. sakura (cherry blossom)- pretty sure this one will also blow you for money.
  24. tochi otome strawberry- “YOU BEEN KIT KATTED!” says a sad and lonely Jamie Kennedy 2 years into relocating to Japan full time.
  25. green tea (premium)- Premium? so what was the dog turd i ate before?!?!?
  26. apple (premium)- I feel like a real shmuck having bought 25 of your poor people kit kats already.
  27. tea (premium)- what the fuck is “premium tea”?!?! you’re basically saying that EVERYTHING i ingest that doesn’t say premium on it, is in fact dog turd?
  28. onshu mikan (mandarin)- i like you again kit kats. you’re pretty.
  29. oshiruko (sweet red bean soup)- they only serve this to 7 remaining WWII American prisoners of war still being held in Japan.
  30. yuzu- if those are lemons i’m squinting to see in the picture, YES. If they’re a colorful set of cufflinks, NO.
  31. cheesecake w/ strawberry or blueberry- SURPRISE! Daddy traded the car for 1 million candy bars! We’re eating candy EVERY day instead of getting driven to school!! YAAY!
  32. caramel macchiato- everything i love about starbucks without the starbucks.
    Posted 2 years ago