Here’s a list of things you should and shouldn’t do on a lunch break from work while in the Spanish tapas bar, Boqueria.

YOU SHOULD:

• Order the bacon wrapped dates stuffed with almonds and blue cheese

YOU SHOULDN’T:

• Try to get work done. Babies will be there crying… because apparently babies love tapas.

YOU SHOULD:

• Order a coffee. It’s phenomenally good.

YOU SHOULDN’T:

• Try to kill time by looking at TheSuperficial.com in close proximity to said babies. They like tapas but not the Pirelli Calendar apparently. How am I supposed to know this?

YOU SHOULD:

• Befriend the hipster bartender. He’ll give you more free coffee.

YOU SHOULDN’T:

• Keep drinking cup after cup of coffee just because it’s free.

YOU SHOULD:

• Order the seared lamb marinated in lemon and cumin, topped with a terrificly spicy salsa verde.

YOU SHOULDN’T:

• Start to have an upset stomach from all the coffee and then decide to order fried cod balls with citrus cream sauce. It will taste like hot tuna mush and dairy.

YOU SHOULD:

• Run to the bathroom.

YOU SHOULDN’T:

• Have to wait for 10 minutes at the uni-sex/uni-age single bathrooms for a gurgly -mouthed diaper-wearing shit-&-piss factory to get his eh-eh cleaned off by his mommy.

YOU SHOULD:

• Hop and squirm about as flamboyantly as possible in the hopes that your pain will telepathically seep through the thick wood doors and magically FINISH CLEANING THAT FUCKING BABY.

YOU SHOULDN’T:

• Audibly growl when said mom & baby come out of the bathroom. Babies don’t like growling and the Pirelli Calendar, and they do like tapas. I’ve learned a lot about babies today.

YOU SHOULD:

• Barely make it with your pants in tact.

YOU SHOULDN’T:

• Have to use public bathrooms, EVER. Especially after babies. Their craps are a chaotic mess, lacking in form and order. It’s like no one gave them the message, if you don’t eat a regular diet you’ll have chaotic bowels. And that is a right reserved for adults.

BOQUERIA: 53 w19th st btwn 5th and 6th ave.